Debunking the Provider Myth

“Self-esteem isn’t everything: it’s just that there’s nothing without it.”

Gloria Steinem 

As we debunk our own provider mythology we become a self-referenced woman.

At some point I grew tired of longing and waiting. I realized I could be the elixir I’d been dreaming of. The crux of the provider myth centers on the question, “Am I willing to robustly provide for myself on every level—to be a provider?” 

For me this required letting go of a tenacious and subterranean operating system promoting the fantasy of some magic sauce for my life that would somehow descend upon me from outside—namely a perfect partner.

Relinquishing this societal tonnage provoked so much rage in me because I was processing betrayal. Betrayal that I’d bought into the fallacy of my own insufficiency for so very long. As I gave up my provider myth fantasy I had to literally grieve a full blown addiction to a dream.

I believe this is a hard-wired illusion for many women, the notion that we will never be enough, or have enough unless we are set up with the perfect partner and the perfect life. Buried so deep in our subconscious it seems almost cellularly encoded. 

By self-referenced, I mean someone who provides their own self-validation, self-approval, and purpose from their own construct of personal values. 

We create meaning and are fulfilled living according to what we value—what we devote our time and energy to. This is how women truly can provide for themselves emotionally and become self -referenced.

Single men are expected to be self-referenced and are viewed as “lucky bachelors”, who are not defined by the women in their lives. It’s our turn.

By becoming robust providers of your own emotional, financial, physical/practical, and spiritual fulfillment you cease to self-abandon. 

This is how we debunk the provider myth at a personal level, blazing a new trail of female sufficiency.

Is it worth it to do all this personal growth work to become whole and self-referenced? Well as Gloria Steinem said, “Self-esteem isn’t everything: it’s just that there’s nothing without it.”

Stay tuned. I’m creating a series of podcasts interviews with a variety of colleagues doing similar work in the field of conscious divorce and feminine wholeness and sufficiency.